2 May 2007...9:57 pm

Glossy, But Only Semi-Glossy

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I walk through Harlem a fair amount and have been seeing, since the last rainfall, xeroxed signs packing-taped to street lamps and stapled onto telephone poles. The signs are on glossy, but only semi-glossy, 8 1/2″ by 12″ paper, and have a picture in the center of a wee ClipArt baby wearing a massive baseball cap, sunglasses, a clunky medallion and droopy diapers.

The signs are advertising an album release–permit me the hypothesis that it is a debut album release–of the artist “Nickelz.” Nominal similarities to another New York City rapper aside, that’s not such a bad name. Except that I just found out Curtis Jackson’s little cousin Michael Francis raps under the name “Two Five.” Whatever, that’s Nickelz’s problem.

My problem–as a PEDESTRIAN I believe I am entitled to one–is the title of Nickelz’s debut, written in bold Helvetica at the bottom of the sign:

“Put the baby to sleep!”

I have some questions, young buffalo-head. Are you the baby? Are you the inevitable outcome of the already annoying enough Lil’ Bow Wow phenomena? Are you not the baby? If you’re not the baby, why did you have one with your high school sweetheart if you’re obviously going to be totally famous and end up kissing Joy Bryant? And, perhaps most importantly, why would you buy your baby such out-sized bling if you can’t afford a babysitter?

I just have some questionz. That’z all.

(Full disclosure. I possess approximately three, no, exactly three movies. They are, by date of release and nothing else: Casablanca, Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!, and Get Rich or Die Tryin’. Also some yoga DVDs).

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